Job Security

I have a great job...a job I really enjoy...(most of the time)

a job that is secure

a job that helps others

a job that pays relatively well

a job that I am comfortable at...

a job with a great schedule

a job that is extremely flexible

a job that understands family comes first...

But why then do I grapple with it? I am really struggling about what to do when Sammy comes home. I did the whole SAHM thing when the other kiddos were little. It was rewarding and I was very blessed to be able to stay home with them. However, I have been working for several years now, all the kids are in school full time and I enjoy the satisfaction and rewarding feeling I get doing my job. Watching my clients improve just even a little bit is awsome! Watching others graduate off from our services is even better...I am part of making a difference in those whom society looks down upon. ( For those of you who dont know...I work as a nurse for a community mental health center with the severly mentally ill)

But then why do I feel torn? Part of me wants to give Samuel everything I gave the other 3. I should stay home with him, nurture him to my utmost ability...
I should do the whole mommy and me classes, the storytimes, the craft projects...
I should stay in my jammies till 10 am and just play or snuggle on the couch...
We should go to the park, the zoo, the mall, ect...
This is what I wanted, what I dreamed of. What God laid upon my heart to bring this child home. I should give him everything that I can.

HOWEVER...I am not the same person I was then. I am older, somewhat wiser and more laid back. I realize that I took for granted the quiet times we had when I stayed at home. I selfishly enjoy my job (mostly) and I enjoy the paycheck if you want to be honest about it. Do I really want to go back to a much tighter budget? I am so terrified that I will not be satisfied being a SAHM again. My job is always something different and often times can be crisis situations. I am somewhat an adrenaline junky in that way. What if I get him home and we just stare at each other?

But then again....There are things I would love to do besides work. I am so very excited about our Orphan ministry at church...I could volunteer more, and not be so tired all the time. I would love to learn more about designing blogs, and photography. There are other hobbies I would like to persue, friends I could reconnect with, long left projects to complete... and not to mention a toddler to care for.

I have worked full time and a ton of overtime this entire year in order to help finance our adoption. I am not sure if I remember how to function without a rigid schedule to keep all my balls juggling in the air. I ask that you pray for me on this dilemma that I have. I know that I am extremely blessed to even have this option to consider. It would cause us to have to slash our budget, but 'things' arent really that important to us. Living simply is what we are striving for. The bigger question is what am I supposed to do?

What does He want me to do?

There is no need for me to decide this today, next week or even next month. This is my final week at full time. I work 4 days next week and then am on my 3 day a week schedule until it is time to get Sammy. We have planned that I will take 12 weeks off and I guess then we will see. I feel at such a crossroad and I guess I will just stand still for now. I am sure God will make it clear to me in His time....

Sorry to ramble, but if you think of is just say an extra prayer for guidance for us...

Blessings

Amy